Just thought i’d give give ya all a quick fix on this video millarkee I’m supposed to be doing, i wont haven it finished for a wee while anyway as the pc’s knacked, anyway, thats not the main thing holding me back, there’s two other biggies, 1, being that i keep starting new projects for funnsies, and the 2nd is that I’m trying to retrieve a bunch of footage from an old VHS using my mini dv camera, gunna be strange but i have a plan and i know what to do…. the footage is kind of necessary, but even better it has a sequence which is easily worth £250 of jeremy beadles money any day, well harry hills, its gotta be seen to be believed, not because its amazing, just because its extremely funny, and involves a set of friends 4 years ago and a metal bar, and is in my opinion essential to round of the video, that is all!

I’ve just recently came across this article which i thought i would share, its ludicrously funny, its so daft i thought i have to spread the word of simons disillusion with life over the internet, you have to be warned, there’s is some naughty words in it, but you’ll excuse the trivium of it all as the pie charts make up the bulk of the comedy. The article consists of a mock web page sharing the emails between Simon Edhouse – a wannabe web genius/’technology entrepreneur and potential yacht owner’ and @David Thorne – a web designer. Heres how the conversation unfolded;

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 2.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Logo Design

Hello David,

I would like to catch up as I am working on a really exciting project at the moment and need a logo designed. Basically something representing peer to peer networking. I have to have something to show prospective clients this week so would you be able to pull something together in the next few days? I will also need a couple of pie charts done for a 1 page website. If deal goes ahead there will be some good money in it for you.

Simon

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 3.52pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

Disregarding the fact that you have still not paid me for work I completed earlier this year despite several assertions that you would do so, I would be delighted to spend my free time creating logos and pie charts for you based on further vague promises of future possible payment. Please find attached pie chart as requested and let me know of any changes required.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 4.11pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Logo Design

Is that supposed to be a fucking joke? I told you the previous projects did not go ahead. I invested a lot more time and energy in those projects than you did. If you put as much energy into the projects as you do being a dickhead you would be a lot more successful.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 16 November 2009 5.27pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

You are correct and I apologise. Your last project was actually both commercially viable and original. Unfortunately the part that was commercially viable was not original, and the part that was original was not commercially viable.

I would no doubt find your ideas more ‘cutting edge’ and original if I had traveled forward in time from the 1950’s but as it stands, your ideas for technology based projects that have already been put into application by other people several years before you thought of them fail to generate the enthusiasm they possibly deserve. Having said that though, if I had traveled forward in time, my time machine would probably put your peer to peer networking technology to shame as not only would it have commercial viability, but also an awesome logo and accompanying pie charts.

Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 11.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You just crossed the line. You have no idea about the potential this project has. The technology allows users to network peer to peer, add contacts, share information and is potentially worth many millions of dollars and your short sightedness just cost you any chance of being involved.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 1.36pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon,

So you have invented Twitter. Congratulations. This is where that time machine would definitely have come in quite handy.

When I was about twelve, I read that time slows down when approaching the speed of light so I constructed a time machine by securing my father’s portable generator to the back of my mini-bike with rope and attaching the drive belt to the back wheel. Unfortunately, instead of traveling through time and finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the footpath at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident report “Cause of accident?” I stated ‘time travel attempt’ but she wrote down ’stupidity’.

If I did have a working time machine, the first thing I would do is go back four days and tell myself to read the warning on the hair removal cream packaging where it recommends not using on sensitive areas. I would then travel several months back to warn myself against agreeing to do copious amounts of design work for an old man wielding the business plan equivalent of a retarded child poking itself in the eye with a spoon, before finally traveling back to 1982 and explaining to myself the long term photographic repercussions of going to the hairdresser and asking for a haircut exactly like Simon LeBon’s the day before a large family gathering.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.29pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

You really are a fucking idiot and have no idea what you are talking about. The project I am working on will be more successful than twitter within a year. When I sell the project for 40 million dollars I will ignore any emails from you begging to be a part of it and will send you a postcard from my yaght. Ciao.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 3.58pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.10pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Anyone else would be able to see the opportunity I am presenting but not you. You have to be a fucking smart arse about it. All I was asking for was a logo and a few pie charts which would have taken you a few fucking hours.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.25pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Dear Simon

Actually, you were asking me to design a logotype which would have taken me a few hours and fifteen years experience. For free. With pie charts. Usually when people don’t ask me to design them a logo, pie charts or website, I, in return, do not ask them to paint my apartment, drive me to the airport, represent me in court or whatever it is they do for a living. Unfortunately though, as your business model consists entirely of “Facebook is cool, I am going to make a website just like that”, this non exchange of free services has no foundation as you offer nothing of which I wont ask for.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 4.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

What the fuck is your point? Are you going to do the logo and charts for me or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.02pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.13pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Do not ever email me again.

From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.19pm
To: Simon Edhouse
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Ok. Good luck with your project. If you need anything let me know.

Regards, David.

From: Simon Edhouse
Date: Tuesday 17 November 2009 5.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Logo Design

Get fucked.

Here’s the original link

Hello. I’m supposed to be ammused by this whole blogging millarkee, but latley i just have, well, just givven up on the idea, even tho i love idea so!

I like to think i’m a moderately techno savvy character, i take to the workings of technology and web tech with enthusiasm, as well, because not many people do, and i’ve always been one of those people that like to do things simply because they are unpopular, not that tech/arty farty things are uncool, they’re just not frequently noticed in these parts of the woods, ya dig? Well wordpress is very techy, and thats why i chose it as a medium to present myself over, and due to the fact that i have a mild case of OCD, i’ve had to force myself to thoroughly check out the opposition, i’ve checked out bloger, livejournal, and xanga, heck i even toyed with myspace’s free basic html blog, (good times) they all had there pro’s and cons but i felt that WP had it best, and therefore i felt inclined to lean in their general direction, now however, i’m feeling old and out dated from what i’m seeing, dont even get me started on WordPress.org, i’m not that nerdy, dont get me wrong i love customisation, but when it comes to writing java and css and crap like that i leave it down to the nerdy types, who, well have lots of spare time and no girlfriends. I normally check out out the wordpress blogs themselves via the ‘notes’ app in facebook (more on this in a sec) and when i actually read them all I’m getting is pure geek, like ott, java script puzzles and Canonical Plugins ! The point I’m trying to make is, this is partially the reason I’ve steered clear of writing my musings and thoughts up to be ignored online, call me a passive pessimist, but I’m starting to think that wordpress is deferring me, either that or I’m getting lazy, however that’s more than likely! Where to start, do I really go over everything I should have blogged about over the last 4 months, or is it 5,, I’m actually too tired to even bother checking, well… I passed selection at the army thingymujiggy, so I have to wait till April to start phase1 basic training, until then not much to do except slouch around and try and get work, whilst keeping fit, and trying to stay of modern warfare 2 , which I will say is rather, if not, ludicrously addictive, I won’t be prestiging, due to the fact that it literally steals your life if you choose to prestige, I learnt my lesson with cod4, and anyway I want to complete all the challenges legitimately, so I shall be on a wee while regardless.

Itching for a glitching

 Speaking of MW2, there’s a rather funny trend going round, as far as I know it only happens on the xbox’s version of the game, its called the Javelin Glitch I’ve been doing it to people and its so funny the kind of reactions you get, its normally people with dual shotty’s that think they are the bee’s knees at the game, who react the most heretically, its so funny listening to peoples reactions, I’ve had so many threats of people, saying they will file complaints against me, and they never do, I would know if they did (‘Complaint Filed’ pops up on screen) so I just do it to them, and then I get more abuse, its funny coz the javelin glitch doesn’t really give me any real advantage in the game, its not even cheating, its just a flaw… a glitch.. what happens, usually, is when you do the glitch and you get shot, the javelin missile falls out of the launcher and onto the floor next to you and blows up, making you a sort of kamikaze, or suicide bomber now I don’t normally use it for that I just use it for the funny reactions I get, I mainly knife people when its equipped, but what happens depends on where you are, because it falls out of the launcher, depending on where you are standing could be advantageous and visa-versa, if you die on some stairs, the killer often gets away, as the stairs block the blast, sometimes the missile, can fall of a banister and down a storey and does no damage, you just get killed, end of.

With regards to the army faff on, I’m going to have seek some sort of part time employment as I’ve been unemployed for some time, and I’ve recently had a small reminder of what its like working, and that its not that bad, I may have worked a week and only got paid for one day but that’s besides the point, I need money for loads of things, I’m yet to mention the fact that I’m still in debt, and it isn’t a pleasant business. Ignoring the fact I have zero dollar, I’ve been looking to into Airsoft, for a while now I’ve been trying to get a group of mates together to go down to the local AS site, which just so happens to be Mars Airsoft for a skirmish, its not as pricey as paintballing, I keep telling them, but you have to want to do it, as you need to dig deep for some of your own gear, like dpm’s and boots and protective equipment, no biggy, but like I said I’ve been looking into it as I have a small yet strangely disturbing fascination with guns at the moment, as long as you tell yourself they are just toys and it’s a game, you’ll be fine, I’ll let you know how it goes, watch this space! As many of you may know, I’ve been whipping the camcorder out of my pocket to stick in your faces at random intervals throughout the year to make a totally pointless yet fun montage/homage to all my matey’s, yeargh, if I were to put this on facebook they’d rip it down as it has copyrighted material on it, anyhoo, its not quite done, and chances are you wont see it till after the new year, as haileys computer has started to be annoying and enters power save mode, as you switch it on, taking this into consideration, I will have to pay to get it fixed, as I can’t get access to my flock, all my RSS feeds and of course all my arty farty stuff, like the montage and I have a few speed paintings I did, that I need to stick up on deviant art, theres also some blooming expensive programmes like asobe creative suite cs3 and some AutoDesk programs for creatig 3D stuff, theres a wee shop close to the village that I can take the computer to, to see if the mucker can do anything with it, after all, it’s a quadcore and I have 100’s of hours of precious footage on that hard drive, and if I don’t pay to get it fixed, hailey wont coz she’s stingy and lazier than me! So apologies for the fact that I keep saying montage nearly done, then I have a clever idea, and it takes an entire night to conceive, implement and render the idea, then sync it up to the music to make it look nifty as!

This is what i’ve got to look forward to within the next couple of weeks

Whats the hickory dickory dock with this then? I constantly attempt to utilize some form of commitment towards this blog, but its not working, i’ve expressed previous reasons as to why, but lets skip the pleasantries and get on with the trivia and wot-not! Its never officially been mentioned anywhere, well, except through word of mouth, but i decided to join the Army, i was originally leaning towards the RAF but that would have been naive of me and i admittedly would have lost my way within the core values of the role, and not to mention the farse I had with my tattoo (provided by pip might I add ) Life for me at the moment is pretty relaxed, and anybody you ask would say that the word relaxed is a good thing, well for me its not, I feel very unmotivated and leery towards my duties at the moment, duties being mainly fitness requirements, but I’m sure they’ll go away soon, this tends to happen to me, I get hyped up about certain things, then I loose the enthusiasm, and like a goose running into a brick wall I get smacked with a sense of reality and I feel like I have to try and force some motivation out from the seams of my rather deflated body. I passed both initial interviews for the army, hoorah, but I found out theres no intake till april 2010, how poop, is that!? I think that is the reason I’m lacking motivation at the minute, it means since I started my application for the military (RAF) in august 08 I will have waited 19 months!!…. Eurgh, what a blank boring scope of time, that is if I pass adsc (Army detection and selection center) within the coming weeks, which is inevitable, apparently for my 1.5 mile run, its all level terrain and a straight line, I could sprint the distance, not looking forward to the heaves though and getting up at 5 to start the day. I really do need a good kick up the bum cheeks

Haileys PC just broke, what can I say, I’m truly devastated, it has all my adobe work on there, all my montage, all my after effects stuff, my AutoDesk programs, and my captured footage of the camcorder, everything that’s dear to me is on that machine and its just conked out, we receive a red light on the front of the machine permanently, so I’m under the impression that its some kind of hard ware issue, it came on properly once after the initial fault, but it hasn’t done it since, kinda like fate being kind and saying, ‘okay go on, get your stuff and export it the external drive for safe keeping’ but I blew it, watch this space.. we cant give up on it, it’s a quad-core after all  speaking of red lights, my xbox conked out to, that was hellish… I got very bored, I now realize that I am actually a slave to Call of duty 4 regardless of whether I care or not, so if can imagine, my excitement for the next modern warfare game to be ludicrously high the breakdown was swiftly dealt with on Microsoft’s behalf, they sent a dude out from UPS and I waited 8 days for it to return, just like new.. happy days! Also i secretly want hailey to get this new contract deal so she give me here Sony erricson k800i, the phone I used to have, then I could spice up the blogs with some photos, oh how I have taken camera phones for granted.

PRO’S

PS3

• Free to play online!!!!!!
• Removable Common Hard Drive (cheap and can go quite high in capacity)
• Blue Ray!!!
• Wi-Fi
• Bluetooth
• Better DLC (Themes and shit)
• Applications
• Blue Ray Discs for games (fit 6 times more content on a BD than an xbox disc) PS3 54 gig /Xbox 9gig …. lol
• Cheap peripherals
• Solid Snakes home
• The PSP!
• Full Web Browser
• Motion Sensor Controll Pad
• can handle 51-billion dot product operations per second (Xbox = only 33)

360

• More Games
• BETTER GRAPHICS: The GPU is more powerful. It has more powerful fillrate, and far more pixel and vertex processing horsepower
• Integration with Windows Live Home!
• !!MSN!!
• More peripherals
• Master Chiefs Home
• Comes with headset
• Better Online Experience (more games can play online//Multiplayer)
• Customization features …AVATAR!!
• Integration with Twitter and Facebook… (soon)
• Superior Control Pad (with concave analogue sticks)

CON’S

PS3

• More expensive…….. (initially, ;P )
• seriously dodgy controller, will slip out of your hand far more easilly in comparrison to the 360’s
• Its massive :O
• Games are usually 50-55squid
• you have to constantly update the OS, every five minutes
• No-one talks online.
• You need a bluetooth headset to do so.. (i personally think thats quite cool)
• Consumes more erectrickity
• has no anti-aliasing (loads of rough edges!)

360

• Freezes quite regulary
• Gets rings of death and such
• will scratch your games (if it feels tremors……. No not the movie)
• Needs an external Player to play HD-DVD’s
• Very Noisy Machine
• Annoying People Online who think theyre hard, so they mouth of.. *Nudge*
• No Wi-Fi (needs peripheral)
• Microsoft are Notorious, you find youself paying for absaloutley everything, wallpapers, basic DLC, service help, and ofcourse… online play!.. wankers!

You decide, i think the 360 is more fun, but you get a heck load more for your money if you go with the ps3

Oh and i think the PS3 OS (operating interface thingy) is much sexier, more mature, clearly aimed at adults….Better >

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How Much Have You Changed in 6 Years

————-6 years ago———-

1.) How old were you?17
2.) Where did you go to school? shiney row college
3.) Where did you work? AMF bowling
4.) Where did you live? — –
5.) Where did you hang out? @ ivans and shizzle
6.) Did you wear glasses? nah
7.) Who were your best friends? loyd ivan and the crew like
8.) How many tattoos did you have? 0
9.) How many piercings did u have? 1
10)What car did you drive? none
11) Had you been to a real party? hell yeah
12) Heart broken? not yet,
13) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? single

————-3 years ago———-

1.) How old were you? 20
2.) Where did you go to school? newcastle college
3.) Where did u work? no where.
4.) Where did you live? same place
5.) Where did you hang out? haileys
6.) Did you wear glasses? :S
7.) Who was your best friend? bear,
8.) How many tattoos did you have? 1
9.) How many piercings did you have? 5
10) What car did you drive? — –
11) Had your heart broken? yep
12) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? taken

——————–Today——————–

1.) Where do you go to school? nowhere, pure bum me.
2.) Where did u hang out? home, haileys, pips gaff
3.) Where do u work? just sorting out army stuff
4.) Where do u live? same place as allways, .. fatfield
5.) Who was your childhood best bud and still is your buddy? — –
6.) How many tattoos do you have? 3
7.) How many piercings do you have? 2
8.) What car do you drive? none.
9.) Had your heart broken? twice
10.) Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? taken

WHAT WERE YOU DOING…
1 MINUTE AGO: chillaxing on spotify with the stereophonics
1 HOUR AGO: playing left4dead
1 DAY AGO: running errins
1 YEAR AGO: sleeping
Last big car ride: . have no idea?
Last movie seen in theathers: transformers 2
Last food consumed: asda cheesecake,
Last person you texted: my sister
Last drink drank: water + some blackcurrant

SHORT QUESTION.
I AM: johntheone
I HAVE: lost all aspirations in life
I LIKE: jennifer ellison
I WISH: that wishes would realy come true, oh and the boys at sony columbia pictures make actually Ghostbusters 3

FAVORITES..
NUMBER: 8
COLOUR: Green
MONTH: April
SEASON: Summer

IN THE LAST 2 DAYS…
HAVE YOU…
CRIED? yep.. happy film
HELPED SOMEONE? Yes
Gotten sick? nope
Gone to the movies? yeps
SaiD ‘I love you’? nope
TALKED TO AN EX? nah
WRITTEN IN A DIARY? blog?
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: yeah

_______ Best ________
1. Male Friend: pip
2. Female Friend:pookie
3. Best Age: 16
4. Best Memory: skiing in switzerland.

_______ Worst ________
1. Time Of Day: mornings
2. Day Of The Week: saturdays
3. Food: cauliflower
4. Memory: smashing the millenium stone

_______ Last ________
1. Person you saw: hailey
2. Phone call: mam

_______ First ________
1. Serious b/f or g/f: Chloe
2. Job: Bar staff at st james park
3. kiss: …

_______ Today ________
1. What are you doing now: ibrowsing the web due to boredom.
2. Tonight: sleep, possibly a dream
3. Wearing: i’m always nakey
4. What did you eat for lunch: nothing, been starving all day

_______ Tomorrow ________
1. Is: friday
2. Got any plans: take sproglings to nursery
3. Goal: sleep, have not slept in weeks
4. Dislikes about tomorrow: chavs favourite day for mischief
5. Likes about tomorrow: great telly on the night

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So i’ve started work on a new film, with Filter Entertainment i’d be much obliged, if you would kindly follow the progress of the film via Twitter

Blogged with the Flock Browser
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Dearest friends, I’m on the hunt to discover which of the dominant mobile phone networks most of you are on so i know which to go with, as i’m changing my sim card, and there are some cracking deals out there… i’d be much obliged. 

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